Finding the sweet spot that builds stronger businesses
Most leaders I work with have a natural leaning. Some value harmony, wanting a calm environment where people get along. Others are more at ease with conflict, comfortable with a direct debate or a sharp challenge.
Harmony is a wonderful thing. It creates safety, belonging, and trust. But when harmony comes at the cost of avoiding debate or challenge, the business suffers.
The opposite is true too: conflict that tips into personal attack or power plays erodes trust and alignment.
The reality is that businesses need both: the safety of harmony and the growth that comes from healthy conflict.
But for those who prioritise harmony, getting comfortable with challenge can be hard. There can be a fear that conflict will damage relationships beyond repair, create fractures in an already stretched team, expose vulnerabilities they’d rather keep hidden, or escalate into something messy, emotional, and time-consuming. What they hope instead is to create a culture of calm where people feel supported and respected – the dream of a team so aligned and trusting that disagreements dissolve easily. Yet the reality is that frustration creeps in when issues remain unspoken. Decisions are delayed. Resentments grow underground. People feel unheard. Harmony has been preserved, but at the cost of progress.
For those who lean into conflict, the risks feel different. They worry they’ll be seen as harsh, political, or self serving – and they can fear they’ll lose influence if they push too hard, no matter how carefully framed. What they hope for is a culture where people can challenge vigorously without damaging trust – the dream of a team where issues are thrashed out openly, leaving no lingering doubt or resentment. But their frustration is real too: when colleagues retreat into silence, nod along without agreement, or shy away from the tough questions. They long for open dialogue but are often left carrying the weight of challenge alone.
These two instincts – harmony on one side and conflict on the other – are why Patrick Lencioni, in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, talks about the trap of artificial harmony. When leaders preserve a surface-level sense of agreement at the expense of real progress, frustrations fester and trust weakens.
At the other end of the spectrum lies toxic conflict: personal attacks, point-scoring, and power struggles that damage relationships and pull attention away from the real work; not a good place to be.
The alternative is the sweet spot: healthy conflict – where ideas are challenged, but it isn’t personal – or about the person. This is where leaders create the conditions for open, vigorous debate about ideas in service of the business. It’s not about conflict for its own sake – it’s about making the best decisions for the organisation.
Finding this middle ground is not easy. Even experienced leaders struggle to role model it.
But if they don’t, their teams will rarely go further than the tone they set.
You don’t get to senior leadership without learning how to manage difficult conversations. But the harder test is noticing where your instincts might be limiting you – and what it costs when you don’t push past them.
Where do you naturally lean – towards preserving harmony, or towards inviting conflict?
What would your team say?
What’s the conversation you most fear having, right now – and what might shift if you had it?
If you leaned into conflict with care, what would you finally say that you’ve held back?
Of course it isn’t just about you – it’s about what plays out around you. The way you handle harmony and challenge sets the tone for the whole organisation.
What debates are going unspoken in your business, and what’s the cost of leaving them underground?
Where do you see surface agreement masking deeper misalignment?
How would progress accelerate if people could separate challenging the issue from challenging the person?
If you find this helpful, please share it with your friends and colleagues.
Meantime if you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive the next issue straight to your inbox.
